Big Girls Cry

      I don't know how to describe this phase I am in. I feel as if I need to be in monster mode and attack anyone that gets in my way. Of course, that's not civil, but why should I be civil when people have treated me with abuse all my life? From verbal, physical and mental abuse, I have fought many battles within and held things inside. I realize people aren't going to love me anytime soon so in the meantime why not love myself and try to be there for me instead? The middle school I went to was such a nightmare, that I had to basically cry and beg to my parents every day to not let me go there. They still made me go anyway, because education is important in our family and for the life that is ahead. I'm 18 now, looking back and wish I enjoyed every second of middle school because besides the kids giving me a hard time, I was the main bully and bargain in the way. I was such a meanie to myself when I already faced that treatment for so many others. I ...

      Getting older, we often realize the greater good of events that happened in our life earlier on. Over the years, I have faced a multitude of challenges which required me to be stronger than I ever thought I could be. I learned that people's views can also impact how you see yourself. If you never allow that reflection from others to come into your own self-image, you will be much more independent and more resilient. These challenges affected me by making me feel very self-conscious, it also affected my self-esteem, and my mental health. One example is making friends, one of my weaknesses. When making friends I don't put myself first and I am incredibly naive sometimes. From this hard experience, I have learned to stop forcing relationships and instead let the relationships form on their own time with the same amount of effort from both sides. Another example of challenges is when I got bullied in my early school years.      This made a very stron...

      As a little girl I have always thought of the idea of becoming 18 years old. January 7th, 2023, to come and me to finally be released into a mini-Beyonce diva as the date arrives. Here I am now 18, wishing I was starting middle school again and revaluating my life choices and mistakes for the past 17 years. I suggest if you're in middle school, worried about your "crush" which lives up to their original meaning anyway, to sit back and relax and enjoy this blog of me complaining yet telling you to PLEASE LIVE IN THE PRESENT MOMENT AND MAKE YOUR YOUTH USEFUL!  It's so valuable to be able to be pure and not be touched by the cruelty of this world. The world looks at youth as a new prey to feast on. People cannot stand to see others happy and this coming from a girl who still has envy towards the littlest things. Yes, hear me right, 18 and still struggle with my preteen side a lot. That's what happens when you waste your youth about everything...